So close, yet so far

Our Oztag team lost in the grand final last night. We were up 3 - 0 early in the first half. But let them back in to be only leading 3 - 2 at half time. In the second half we began to tire and eventually lost 5 - 4. They were younger and fitter players. We had them rattled in the beginning but couldn't continue on with it. It was dissapointing for us. It was another case of being the best team in the regular season (we were minor premiers) but falling just short in the grand final. We really wanted back to back premierships. Oh well, we'll be back next season. Older, wiser and more importantly, hungrier.

Self Improvement

The internet is a wonderful thing. Lots of good free information if you know where to look. Below are a couple of links that will help you understand and deal with most psychological/emotional issues that you'll likely to encounter in your life, if not already. Read it if you are seeking understanding of your emotions, trying to improve yourself mentally (as a result will often lead to physical improvement and happiness) or just want to have some knowledge in order to prevent/deal with these issues should they arise in the future. I found them very useful. I truly believe that our education system is extremely lacking in the area of human psychology. We should all be taught these things during our younger years in order to be better equipped to deal with it in the future.

http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/ <-- A very comprehensive psychological self-help site. I'm reading it now and I've found it to be very helpful. http://www.psywww.com/resource/selfhelp.htm <-- A list of "non-commercial sites providing information and help about specific disorders related to psychology". I haven't gone through this one yet but it looks promising.

Changes

My sister came back from Ireland on Friday morning. She was gone for 8 months with her boyfriend. I got up at 4:30am to pick her up from the airport. Who said I didn't love my sister? Our time apart has made us closer if anything. We've never been a really close knit family at home. I don't know why. Some families do everything together yet ours don't even eat dinner together sometimes. But I know deep down inside, although we don't show it, we do love each other.

My mum loves us very much. A little too much if that's possible. She's a very traditional asian mum who lives her life for her kids. Being a widow from when we were young, she had no choice but to dedicate her life to raising us. I am eternally grateful for that. The sacrifice she made in life for us can never be repaid. But she is happy with it. To her it's not a sacrifice. Which leads to our next big obstacle in life.

We're starting to grow up. We're starting to want independence. As much as she wants us to live our life to what she thinks is best for us, I don't think that is going to happen. She cares for us so much that she shelters us and tries to guide us through life in a way that she deems is most beneficial. But it's just not what we want in life. This has created conflict in the past. Especially when my sister decided to go to Ireland 8 months ago. And now, with me seriously thinking of moving out of home.

At home, although I have most of my independence, it's just not quite there. I still feel like I have someone to report to. I still feel like a child and I get treated like a child. I don't want this anymore. I want to give it a go on my own out in the world. Struggle a bit. Life's been kind to me so far as my mum has provided us with everything we could reasonable want. I want to struggle to achieve these things and hopefully grow into a better person. I know my mum and my relatives think that I am betraying my mum. After all these years that she's put in, I just get up and go. Leaving her and my 2 sisters alone at home. But it's not like that. I still love them very much and will most likely appreciate her more when I am away. I know I don't appreciate her enough at the moment. My sisters support my move as they are about the same age and they understand what I am going through. Eventually I will need to move out, it's just a matter of time. I have never really been that close to my family so I see this as a natural progression in my life. It's hurting my mum at the moment. I just hope that in time my mum can be happy for me. Be happy that I am doing what I want in life. I have grown up immensely recently. Having lost someone important, I now appreciate the things I have in life much more. I think now, more than ever before in my life, I realise how much I love my mum.